there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
