Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
She's the barista slut.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
