I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Randomize
