my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize