Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
We left an ass print on the piano.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
