i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
