so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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