we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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