Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
