"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
