I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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