im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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