Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
