i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
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Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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