i don't like sucking hair
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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