i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
