Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
