Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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