I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
