It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
