I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
