Need sex. Gaining weight.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
