My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
