i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
