you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
