Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
