I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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