Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
