Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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