whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
