u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
