i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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