Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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