Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
