update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
