She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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