Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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