Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
