I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
