...so i touched it.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
