whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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