Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
