If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
