Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
