i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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