also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
