Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
