So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
