So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
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