currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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