Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Someone came in the potted fern
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
