like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
