Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
