We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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