I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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