dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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