Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
