My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
