Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
