I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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