I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
