Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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