hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
