How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Randomize
