I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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