Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
