I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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