I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
