Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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