I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
