good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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