if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
