Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
