I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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