Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
