Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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